A post to regulate my emotions

 

Hi,

dear diary,

lately princess penat. HAHAHA ala geli pulak.  princess princess. Lately i always running errands so i macam overwhelmed sikit. Syukur alhamdulillah for everything. i rasa i kena exercise good thought everyday. 

tapi ada juga beberapa perasaan negative i nak luahkan dekat sini supaya otak i lega.dah la i terlepas buat quiz for subject bulan ni. hilang 10 marks i. sedih tau.. tapi itu semua takdir Allah una. 

dear una,

please protect your peace, your energy and stop over analyzing. Dekat tempat kerja i banyak diam and focus jawab call sebab idk why every single time i get comfortable to talk to someone  people have a wrong idea

i'm just being friendly. How i know? on this days and age apparently gossip lagi laju dari covid.

= ')  . My past experience taught me a lot . I tak suka attachment i will avoid to get closer to anyone at all cost . I'm stuck with saturn phase  over few months now. I malas nak explain lebih. if you get it you get it

no saturn phase ni bukan astrology. Only specific person who smart enough will figure this out

What i do everyday is not to force this feelings to be gone but to let it flow and fade. Hence why i rasa i kena cari hobi yang boleh buat happy. Una suka hidup yang  ada purpose

more than anything i just want to be happy

i just hope that one day i tengok cermin tak ada rasa nak baling cermin tu dengan batu bata

i just want to be able to smile at the mirror and feeling i am good enough 

not to please others but me

i dont know why i am such a bully to myself. I kalau nampak je orang cantik orang glow up

i will feel very happy for them  but  when it comes to me why is it so hard for me to appreciate my own milestones specifically masa process lose weight ni?

if you feel drained jangan baca entry ni sampai habis. I have to channel this very negative energy yang terkumpul dalam otak i . i taknak cerita dekat sesiapa because i feel it is so unfair for others to listen to such a  heavy story. I faham semua orang ada their own struggle and banyak masalah hidup sendiri. Lagipun  apa i rasa ni semua adalah perasaan yang patutnya i boleh control. But punishing myself because of my own feelings wont do anything good either. Adakah una kena pergi pijak rumput ?

at this point i rasa bukan setakat kena pijak rumput. Mungkin i kena guling guling atas rumput tu sekali.

this bad thought need to go . I bukan nak cakap i islamic pun. I am far from perfect

i still tak menutup aurat sempurna. Masih lagi jahil orang kata cuma i nak hidup tenang dan bahagia. I pernah dengar ceramah orang yang dia dah tahu kan kerja dia ada interest ibadah dia tak diterima. Hati i jadi sedih. What options do i have now? 

secara jujur i dah terlalu burn out dengan kerja sekarang. I know staying here means i have to stay so i can pay my bills... tapi i taknak hidup bergelumang interest dah. If para strangers adalah terbaca blog i ni..

i humbly ask you to pray that "Nur Izzati Husna Binti Mohd Nasir " berjaya dapat kerja baru work from home, gaji banyak, bahagia, tenang, cantik, putih, kurus, sihat.

please? 

PLEASEEEEE... 

oh sejak i ambik personal trainer ni i banyak dapat random advise dari trainer i. Kadang kadang i tak cakap apa apa pun dia bagi. I tak tahulah muka i nampak macam tak bersemangat ke or nampak sangat muka orang tengah banyak fikir

one thing that stuck with me ialah he asked me to detached from things that i want . Okay this word mungkin tak 100 percent sama tapi lebih kurang la apa dia cakap

him : una .. you need to learn to detach from the things that you want. Macam you nak kejar rama rama. Kalau you kejar rama rama .. dia lari kan? instead of doing that you buat la taman cantik cantik bagi dia datang

me : okay *angguk angguk*

and then yesterday... i tak buat exercise betul. I kena tegur which is fine sebab memang tugas dia kena ajar sampai i pandai. tiba tiba dia bagi advise lagi

i tak tahu macam mana boleh sampai topic kerja. i told him tak suka kerja i sekarang i taknak kerja bank

i nak jadi penulis. so dia suruh i buat benda i suka. 

even before he said this.. this thing dah lama bugging me. I tak tahu apa yang membuatkan i tak berani sangat nak siapkan manuskrip and send my work to publisher. the worst thing that can happened kena reject je pun kan?

kan?

orang cakap jangan bagitahu plan kita nanti jinx. Knowing me that announce it or not when it comes to this i memang berat  sikit. So i nak challenge diri sendiri to send my manuscript to publisher before this end of october.

untuk itu sekali lagi stranger...  doakan yang terbaik untuk i. 

I dont mind being alone. All i want for now ialah  jadi secantik yang i boleh, sihat, kaya, hati tenang bahagia. freedom to choose the life that i want.  Tolong Ya Allah.. doaku yang paling serious

makbulkan ya.  Janji dah kurus nanti i tak backflip pakai bikini.

Kita cuma nak beli abaya cantik cantik lari kat taman kejar butterflies je HAHAHAHAHAHA

okaylah korang

i penat 

i kena tidur,

yang masih menunggu doa dimakbulkan tuhan

Una 

The most unhinged decision i ever made

 

Hi korang

i ada banyak benda i nak cerita. Pasal rumah  every progress tapi tu nantilah. I cuma nak share 1 benda ni yang i taknak lupa this is one of my wishlist. I never thought this time will come because honestly i contemplating nak buat benda ni lama dah dah.

I finally hire someone to bully me professionally HAHAHAHA. As you guys know i tengah nak turun berat. I rely on chatgpt to track my calorie. Lately i busy sangat with class, work and back and forth to my home 1 lagi sebab nak uruskan banyak benda (itu i akan cerita asing) . So dulu i consistent  i penat macam mana pun i mesti exercise .Momentum tu dah ada sekarang i dah exhausted dah tak exercise hari hari . I tak boleh biar macam ni . I tak suka diri i malas. One thing about me i punish myself more than others. I kerja pulak shift. 

di umur macam i, perempuan pulak macam macam nak kena jaga. stress level i kena kurangkan, kena allow diri sendiri berehat, kena cari kerja baru this work honestly i tak boleh nak cope. selain sebab interest sebab work load sendiri. So una kan.. una suka challenge. una suka fun

I have to choose my "fun". So i scroll tiktok one day termasuk live this one coach. I tanya dia soalan

me : coach.. what is your suggestion for this weight. tinggi i 163cm . I nak tahu work out routine sesuai. I track record  i pakai chat gpt je

coach A : una you kena full body exercise. You nak i guide boleh dm je i .

me: dm'ed him

coach A: explain sikit then  we set appointment jumpa dekat Gym on saturday

i sampai gym i cuma fikir oh i nak body consultation je . I sampai i terus cari toilet sebab i stuck jem sejam setengah . 

me : saya nak pergi toilet 

coach A: show me the toilet. 

okay masa pergi toilet lalu loker loker. So the gym is huge. I tengok surrounding. Okay .lepas tu coach mintak naik penimbang . Keluar result.  Lepastu dia show me around the gym. Lepastu baru dia cerita sikit apa benefit yang ada

ada 25 session one to one session. for 3 months and ada 35 session for 4 months one to one. Dia akan susun semua my diet everything. I have to report to him everyday apa i makan. He will advise me on my calorie intake. I ambik 4 months  35 session. 

lepastu every week minimum jumpa 2 kali dia guide me exercise. 

for personal trainer  package .... i paid 5.2k+

untuk gym membership i go for 6 months. i got 1 month free.  I tak boleh just ambik pt je kena jugak membership sekali. So demi ilmu because i have done this for a year . I ada turun but i still didnt know the right thing to do.  And i think it's okay i cuba. 

Sometimes bila kita malas kita perlu orang guide kita even kita degil.  tapi kalau i degil i la rugi. I paid him kot. If anything i kena jadi student baik dengar cakap.for a start dia suruh i beli weight lifting gloves. I dah beli semalam dekat decathlon. My first session with him will be this wednesday. Sebab dia ada client lain jugak . Kalau tak dia minta jumpa esok. So after i habis kerja i have to rush ke sana. 

I dapat sign up merch. At this point ... i suka ke tak suka ke  i kena kurus. HAHAHA. To justify my a bit financially questionable decision i told my cousin bella. Guess what? she said? baguslah tu . HAHAHAi know i can count on you to justify my unhinged decision =') . Anywaayyy wahai stranger semua yang baca blog i , i doakan korang mewah rezeki and doakan i sekali okay. I nak wfh! 

my heart still in saturn i already know this gonna take longer because i hardly fall.

If i fall , i fall hard and deep. 

but whenever i ingat  i doakan . Kalau tak silap... ustaz  cakap kalau kita doa benda baik dekat orang, nanti malaikat doakan benda baik untuk kita. Doa ni bila bila je boleh sebut korang tak sepertinya kat tikar sejadah je.

May all of us dapat semua benda yang baik baik okay?

As  for now seorang una cuma harapkan doa doa stranger. Benda lain i tak fikir sangat

i nak kerja baru, nak sihat, nak kaya, nak cantik, nak berjaya dunia akhirat. Eh tamak pulak

till then

Ttyl 

Love,

 Una Mn

Book Review : Building Meaningful Relationship By Ustazah Nur Hidayah Azman

 

Hi guys,

2  weeks ago i beli buku lagi . i nampak ustazah hidayah promote this book. Sebab i suka the first book so i got the second one.  secara jujur i tak expect i akan habis baca dengan cepat. What makes this book fun ada journal! I suka journal  i gues no surprise la orang yang suka menulis ni kebanyakan suka journal. 

apa pendapat i pasal buku ni? senang nak digest. Straightforward.  i paling suka ayat yang ni. this resonate with me so much. 

i believe everyone yang kita jumpa or crossed path dengan kita akan ajar kita 

one thing or two . Depending on how we see things .

sebab kita juga manusia yang selalu buat silap  and we might hurt others too

and from reading this book we can sit and reflect on how we treat others,

being human meaning we are far from perfect , we are bound to make mistake 

and it is important for us untuk belajar dari silap kita.

this book i bought from iman 

if korang nak beli jugak click here

i think ada banyak buku i teringin nak beli dekat sini

i ada nampak buku komik gaza harga dia tak mahal pun.

if you guys ada anak ke or nak bagi your siblings/ students ke beli la buku  kat sini okay

affordable  sangat harga dia

i sebenarnya tak pandai nak buat book review . 

i rasa korang kena baca sendiri and find out more.

how i define a book is a good book.

1) the content 

2) the paper texture

3) the cover

this book passed All three 

1) content wise  macam i cakap dekat atas . straighforward easy to digest. People like me yang english dia bukan level level cambridge pun boleh faham. And then font dia i suka.

2) paper texture. Hmm  i rasa semua orang yang suka beli buku tahu apa i maksudkan. Ada sesetengah paper dia ada bagi effect "sandy" . This one tak. 

3) The cover. If you dont know  antara fav colour i ialah pink and red . So 10/10 sebab ada 2 colour ni

saya minta maaf dulu la kalau ada yang cari buku ni termasuk blog i and nak tahu review buku ni

i tak professional. HAHAHA

jangan kecewa okay? as non professional and not so islamic una i rasa semua orang sesuai baca buku ni.

Even you introvert tahap chronic . After all  you will still communicate dengan orang unless you duduk gua bertapa dekat gunung ledang tu i no comment la

tapi kalau bertapa gunung ledang pun maybe you boleh baca jugak 

sebab maybe kawan you jin jin islam yang ada masalah relationship  who knows?

Hmmmm... They might need this book! 

HAHAHAHAHHAA 

Astaghfirullahalazim

okay okay saya gurau je..

tak tak.. 

menekan nekan pulak reviewnya

okaylah sebelum i merepek lebih jauh baiklah i tidur

till then,

Your non professional book reviewer

Una Mn