Bittersweet March

 

Hi,

actually i  sebenarnya dalam process berfikir. dengan jadinya perang semakin rasa macam risau. I know rezeki Allah janji dah tapi sebagai manusia biasa risau tu tetap ada. Dengan segala kos meningkat kan. Dan i kena tanggung semuanya seorang diri i dont know the right thing to do. Rumah tu dah siap. I kena ambik kunci. Kena check defect. Kena start cari mover . Kena start pack barang yang penting dan so many thing . Tbh i suka kalau dapat pindah rumah sendiri. Dapat swimming dapat pergi gym hari hari . tapi kan i tengah tak suka my current job. Korang doakan ye i dapat kerja yang i boleh work from everyday or hybrid pun tak pe. I dont have energy to actually commute to work everyday. So exhausting and dengan naiknya harga minyak nanti i think it's not possible.

I sedar masalah i mungkin tak sebesar masalah orang lain . I masih ada kerja masih boleh makan. untuk itu syukur alhamdulillah. I nak mentally prepare for the worst. Kadang kadang i rasa macam elok mati je awal tapi dosa aku banyak pulak HAHAHAHA

dunia ni penat ....sangat penat . Tapi tu la sebab sedar diri sendiri ni banyak dosa tak tentu masuk syurga lagi so hadap jela kan penat dunia ni.  I nak hadapi semua ni dengan tenang, dengan ceria . tak mahu mengeluh macam ni. Sebab bila i mengeluh i rasa i tak bersyukur dengan Allah. faham tak apa i rasa?

banyak kali i pujuk hati sendiri . sabarlah una sabar. Ni semua dunia .

btw here the sweet part

dekat office kan i dah beritahu my batch mate decision i nak resign. Even i belum dapat kerja lagi .  I cakap once i dapat i nak berhenti. diorang sedih tapi  diorang supportive

S terutamanya. S indian guy yang i rapat dekat tempat kerja. 10 years younger than me tapi sangat mature compared to me. Everytime i stare dekat screen kalau dia duduk sebelah dia ketuk cermin tanya i okay ke tak. I rasa kan tempat kerja ni rezeki i kawan kawan baik. Even i tua dari diorang . diorang layan i macam baby . I will miss you guys kalau i resign nanti . Sayanggggg korang.

few days ago  kan i burn out gila i ambik flexi 2 jam balik awal siapkan assignment. Before balik tu ada 1 pending case (which i cant disclose case apa) i kena follow up that case. Ada this one manager first impression i kat dia .. dia garang maybe suara dia kot.  Tapi semalam i tak ada choice . tak ada orang lain i boleh tanya.  

me : K can i ask you something?

K :  (pandang i ) yes iris? 

me: (explain about the situation) i dah email semalam tapi tak dapat reply la. kalau ignore ni mesti kena marah nanti

i ingat dia akan annoyed or marah. tapi tak. somehow orang yang muka garang ni la yang baik korang. dia senyum . 

K : iris .. come here jauh sangat tu kenapa. come here i show you. 

i gerak dekat sikit and he show me everything. weh benda ni kan korang i tanya another manager diorang tak layan i tau. Diorang suruh i cari sendiri. Tapi dia tak dia tunjuk satu satu. I have so much respect for team manager macam dia.  yang tak belittle orang. Yang tak buat i macam orang bodoh even mungkinlah i i bodoh tapi he just show me that he deserved to be leader.

K : faham dah ? 

masa dia explain tu a bit laju... i faham tapi tak ingat  sebab laju sangat and angguk angguk padahal tak ingat.dia terus taip dekat email step one by one and send me email. I sumpah rasa nak sujud syukur. Nikmat tuhan manakah yang kau dustakan una?

Me: thanks k**** !  (mata sis dah berair terharu  sebab case tu pending 2 hari tak ada orang ajar tiba tiba ada orang ajar. i cakap thank you dekat dia banyak banyak )

K : it's okay iris. anything tak tahu tanya je.  

K ni bukan nama sebenar dia obviously just like iris is not my real name. K ni bukan trainer i yang initial K tau. Ni one of manager situ. I think dia gen z . Sebab ni la saya sayang gen z. work life balance ada and even i millenial i suka orang yang tak buat i rasa i bodoh. Oh i rasa kan dia kesian dekat i kot. sebabnya sehari sebelumnya i menangis nangis kena marah dengan my own manager. 

I tak suka la menangis ni. I rasa dia nampak sebab masa i tengah menangis tu sebab memang dia lalu lalang masa i kena marah tu. Maybelah dia rasa ala kesiannya doraemon ni kena marah.

HAHAHAHA  kla korang i nak naik treadmill ni. doakan i cepat kurus. I nak jadi wanita kurus cantik berjaya kaya raya walaupun dunia dah nak perang. senang sikit nak lari . Kalau gemuk susah nak sorok kan? Buat masa ni i masih gemuk dan jangan risau tak ada niat nak riak . kalau kurus minta mintak saya humble.  i baru lose 24 kg long wayyyyy to go. Buat masa ni lemak dekat pipi saya masih mahu stay.

tak mengapa . apa pun saya doakan semua silent reader happy baca blog saya! 

sekian

yang ingin kurus cantik macam siti khadijah halim

una mn

I wish you well and sambung menulis?

 

Hi..

it's me again . i just want to say how grateful i am because even after what happened i still have someone that genuinely care.  thank you for checking up on me. Dont worry i read room and i wont overboard. I memang supportive and i dont expect anything from you. I takut kalau you rasa terbeban dekat kepala. I know  all you want is peace . So may Allah bless you with wealth , good health and happiness.  I will continue support you and wish you well for your business sebab i memang suka tengok orang ada passion, ada discipline and you have that quality. Business is hard especially when you still have your 9-5 and jual bunga pulak.but i believe everything we do semua susah in the beginning.  Sebab i percaya kita melayu islam kena kaya. Kena ada business . tak kisah business apa pun janji halal.

By the way i am quite terharu because someone just told me that something that i need to hear. He asked for my blog link and i bagi. Like a brother i never had. I wish you happiness too. Thank you for being  my sunshine .  Quite respectful and even dia non muslim dia siap pesan suruh iftar.  When i talk to him i felt like macam i tengah cakap depan depan.  Friendly macam evertts. Thank you dany. Thank you doakan i boleh touch snow. InshaAllah kalau Allah izinkan i akan pergi next year amin !

oh talking about evertts right i saw his tweets few days ago. I rasa kesian dekat dia. He must be busy. Sebab emotionally dia pun macam tak okay. I tak rasa evertts baca ni but i just wanna say  i wish you well too everts. I understand that you need time. Take as much time as you want to heal. I dont know exactly what happened tapi  knowing you and pernah sembang dengan you and tahu you actually an introvert  i get you.  Recharged la okay . 

I sebenarnya  tak sabar nak tukar kerja. i nak join event macam yang lain. seronok tau i tengok budak budak fevertts ni almost everyday ada je event diorang pergi .  Sometimes everyweek. I love their energy  so much.  especially tiqa punya supportive tu.  I need to get back on track la guys. I cant be sad like this forever. I think being sad makes me jadi into low vibration .

Lepasni i nak ajar diri sendiri supaya lower my expectations, dont get too comfortable,  to avoid heartbreak macam ni. Dah jadi macam ni siapa susah? and most importantly  just own up to your mistakes and apologize . Which i dah buat dah.I said my peace.  Disclaimer dulu incase anyone baca. I dont blame any of you sincerely  i know puncanya i. salahnya i bukan you guys. So it's okay . I hope we are even now. 

oh i tak buat lagi ni e filing kejap lagi i nak buat. And i read somewhere dekat thread about tips turun berat. 5km eah each day. saya cuba. sekarang ni maximum 3km je i boleh buat. Haruslah saya buat kejap lagi.  Tadi i  dah beli warna rambut my psiorisis macam better dah sikit but still i nak warna rambut i jugak. cuba teka warna apa? Warna deep purple! Idk i felt pretty when my rambut colour ni. I rasa macam brand new person. 

okaylah itu je kot i nak cerita. I think  i bersyukur Allah bagi i rasa suka menulis. I can do some other crazy shit  tapi naluri i .. i menulis. Oh btw i think i nak tulis balik novel of course no sample to avoid benda macam ni berulang. Apa eah i patut tulis?  I tak suka cerita sedih sebab hidup dah cukup sedih,

I nak benda happy je. I guesssss i might start  tonight after my 5km . We see how. Nama pena i?

rahsia mana boleh bagitahu! HAHAHA. 

k lah 

yang taknak lagi sedih sedih

ttyl

 una mn

Bro drank magic potion? Quiz dapat full mark!

 

Hey..

to my silent readers please jangan terkejut kalau ada banyak entry . I tengah go through something yang i kena process the feelings cepat cepat. The only thing i can do ialah menulis. I think i nak tulis novel tanpa sampling anyone dah . So i will get over this heavy feelings cepat cepat. by the way  i harini kena daftar muet.  now i tengah siapkan indvidual assignment which is think and share for both subjects.  I ingatkan midterm dah bukak . if possible i nak siapkan semua  harini. maybe later i nak keluar jugak. I think being stuck at home will make everything worse. 

I kinda surprised i dapat full marks quiz yesterday for both subjects . quiz dia 40 question for each tau. adakah ini bermakna saya function properly ketika stress? because when stress take over there are no enough space for me to even doubt  about my answer?  tapi kalau boleh ya Allah .. biarlah i dapat full marks even i tengah happy. I mean i want to enjoy this learning process. 

can i enjoy it ? I guess with whatever happened yesterday it seems like i dont have a choice. and to those that checking up one despite of being farrrrr away... and the time difference i would like to thank you. she asked her sister to text me. You are so sweet.

And dany.. all this time  i sumpah ingat dia muda dari i. T_T bro drank magic potion i guess.  He  is 7 years older . Weh gilaaa.  Is it because of the air quality in singapore is different? idk. We both aries only that he is april aries and i march aries.  and  think i that's why we clicked. i told him because we both feelers !

lah feelers?  empath i mean.  I infj-T and aries march. What a good combination  HAHAHAHA. 

btw i tengah shoot my shoots (cari kerja baru) I think one of the reason i  am such miserable person now because i hate my job. I dah buat conclusion. Why? masa i dekat bytedance i was soooo much happier. I mean  kerja tu kena banyak baca sometimes masa cuti pun i buat kerja tapiiiiiiii  never ever i feel pressured like this. I even consider to (switch off) yesterday. No worries i am okay now.. it just that yesterday i cant process things.   I am sinner i sin a lot . but i know that no matter how  bad you are you still kena solat. 

This place tak ada designated area untuk i solat. I feel bad. 

okay? now marilah kita fix benda yang paling crucial ini dulu then later we can focus on  any other things .

i harap midterm bukak la harini because esok i masuk office and malam esok i ada class jugak. Mesti tak sempat nak  buat apa apa. Mari kita berdoa i dapat siapkan assignment harini jugak so i can  go out later and have fun

see yall

ttyl

una mn