October : May You Bloom Like Flowers

 

Hi everyone,

harini i busy kemas rumah and i bought barang basah from tiktok sebab esok i akan hosting my first housewarming. I  invite my mom and siblings to come over. I ajak jugak makcik i yang i pernah duduk rumah dia 2 tahun.  Buat masa sekarang i tak ada kemewahan boleh bagi my mom. Duduk dengan dia cuma 3 tahun i still cant communicate with her well. Yang i tahu i dapat gaji i transfer duit. Being an eldest daughter you used to be alone most of the time. You have bottle up feelings.  I cant help that. Kadang kadang lagi senang luahkan benda dekat strangers yang tak tahu sangat pasal hidup kita . Because to me they dont care and they will forget. 

sebenarnya ada banyak benda yang i dengar lately.  A few people already reach out to me. I understand that maybe you truly wants to check up on me. I am fine. I am totally fine. Kalau ada benda yang i refuse nak jawab ke or you nampak i  sedih  dekat social media ke

trust me ... it just me overthinking about my future je

i cuma burn out kerja. I taknak nampak manusia tak bersyukur dengan apa Allah bagi. I bersyukur sangat cuma i cant deny that this job cost me my inner peace. Dulu mungkin i nak sangat jadi corporate girl. Ada my own desk. Nak kurus cantik. Ootd cantik cantik

now i just want a simple happy life. I still want to earn money but i want to do business and writing. Kita ni Allah cipta untuk beribadah and i want to plan my daily activities based on waktu solat . You know what i want ? I just want to have a simple business dekat mall it can be like small store yang jual makanan. I wanted to have few staff and i nak jual retort food ke or my own cafe maybe? Then i can go masjid , pergi usrah ke, dengar talk. Between maghrib and isyak i teringin nak ada time just for me and Allah . Baca quran. Just how arwah opah ajar i dulu. Kalau ada readers yang baca jangan fikir i alim sangat tau. Jawapannya tak and belum lagi. Tapi tak salah kan ada cita cita macam tu? I still manusia biasa yang masih suka buat benda random tapi under control la. I masih introvert weirdo yang cuba jadi manusia yang at least kalau werdo pun biarlah jadi weirdo beriman HAHAHAHA.

i've accepted long time ago i will never be anyone cup of tea . But i want to be my own cup of tea. 

Prioritizing my inner peace and hopefully i get to be  beautiful too. Maybe not as beautiful as those young girls out there  but just simply my version of beautiful. Imagine a happy una with size xs .. awww. i will be over the moon. Until that day come i gotta commit . InshaAllah. i tak ada nak prove dekat siapa siapa pun. I just do this for me. For this little version of me yang still hopeful, my childlike spirit. I am a fun person underneath because of her. 

yang selalu bagi i semangat dalam diam doakan kebaikan untuk i regardless we know each or not,

thank you . semoga semua  benda yang baik baik berbalik pada korang jugak. Banyak benda yang terjadi sepanjang setahun ni ada yang i rasa better i keep it to myself. Only a few people that i trust know.   Those that i trust wont blab about this . one of it is my trainer. It just slip when i talk to him yesterday.  I tak cerita banyak takut member trauma. That is the last thing i want to do in this world. Traumatizing others with my problems. The other would be none other than my cousin bella.  She is far away from me . Haihhh i tak sempat nak rindu dia jugak sebab almost everyday she will send me reels . Japan japan 

ya sayangku bella. I kena kurus la cepat cepat. At least kalau jadi pergi japan biarlah aku lawa sikit kan?

even i masih takut naik flights. I google 6 ke 8 jam kan flight to japan? Those hours percayalah i takkan tidur i akan baca yassin sepanjang flight. Bila la ketakutan naik flight i ni akan hilang?  Bukan tak pernah naik tapi everytime i naik i memang akan panic attack. I remember my flight to jakarta dulu. Mat salleh kat sebelah i gelak gelak siot betullah.  I harap kalau jadi la plan kitorang bella takkan annoyed =')

someone pernah cakap dekat i... 

una kalau nak mati dalam rumah boleh mati.

Ya tahu... i cant help it! i hope i can find cure for this =')

okay lah korang i nak kena siap pergi beli barang for house warming . I hope everyone will get a wonderful october . Whatever that you guys want and wish for may be granted by Allah

May this October you bloom like flowers

okay tu jelah for now.

till then

Love,

Una Mn

Una Gym Diaries

 

Hi,

Post ni ialah post yang dah beberapa minggu i tangguh . Tapi i rasa nak senang i compile je la terus. Ni macam my gym diaries sampai ke harini

Macam i cerita sebelum ni i ambik personal trainer. So i nak tulis apa yang i belajar tapi to remember everything macam susah tapi i akan cerita sedetail boleh. Blog ni kan tujuan dia untuk simpan memory sebanyak boleh. Manalah tahu nanti i dah tua (kalau umur panjang) i boleh la mengenang masa muda i yang penuh side quest HAHAHA

Okay after i sign up gym and pt on 22 september 2026, berapa hari before my session dengan coach i ada datang gym on 24 september 2026 . And kebetulan coach i ada kat depan. So i datang tu petang habis kerja. Dia cakap haritu ada class yoga. Dia encourage i pergi

I underestimate yoga tau. Sumpah aku ahh yoga.... macam uncle auntie cina buat kat taman tu kan. 

jap tu taichi. La lebih kurang la dalam kepala i. Nampak senang ... tapiiiii kalau you saiz doraemon. 

HAHAHAHAHAH ini satu penyeksaan. I  rasa nak menangis sejam tu.  Banyak kali la trainer tu tanya  okay ke? are u okay?

tapi lepas dia tanya tu... come on you can do it. Easy je . easy  

HAHAHAHAHAHA .

akulahhh dalam hati... easy for you miss girl. For me... easy to die HAHAHAHAHA

i rasa macam kematianku akan tiba waktu tu jugak. 

dalam kelas ni tak ramai  . cuma diorang semua dah berbulan i je baru. 

honestly sakit la. Bayangkan session dengan coach pun belum  lagi masa ni .

but sakit yang sedap. I tak tahu nak explain. Painful ? yes 

will i do it again? yes! 

26 August  2026

first session. masa ni tak ada ambik video.

First session ni lebih kepada assestment tak silap i . 

i cant remember what we did but i rasa dia ada ajar machine lah. Hahahaha

28 August 2026

i masuk urban dance class. Imagine me badan keras kena dance lagu ateez so bad tu

HAHAHAHAH. buruk betul . Ada yang record .. i dah doa dalam hati tolong la jangan post. Aib tu semua tu HAHAHA. but it was fun

29 August 2026

My second class with coach.

i kena pegang stick ayun kaki kiri kanan. 

kena buat child pose, cobra pose , scapular mobility

scapular ni sakit sebab i tak biasa. Sebab i frozen shoulder 

pastu i kena duduk atas box dia suruh bangun duduk je.

3rd september 2026 

i datang gym sehari selepas i pindah .

i think 2 jam lebih jugak i dekat situ. I cuba pakai abductor , eliptical . 

lepastu apa benda entah i cuba je.

4th September 2026

I had another session with coach. I kena duduk bangun atas box pegang dumbell dekat depan.  i tak tahu nama exercise ni apa. (he told me but kita banyak makan semut )

Lepastu baring and pegang dumbell jugak and luruskan tangan ke atas push the dumbell upwards  kalau tak silap nama dia dumbell chest press.

Lepastu ada this one movement kena tarik this one cable to my stomach. I think it is seated cable row. 

5th september 2026

i buat plate loaded pulldown machine. Kena tarik dari atas ke bawah. Machine ni yellow colour.

lepas tu i buat literal raise . Lepastu baling bola ke dinding  wall ball throws kot nama dia.

After that i buat naik treadmill sekejap 

11 September 2026

Harini coach ajar shoulder press machine . Lepastu this exercise i paling tak suka yang ni sebab berat tali dia. Battle rope kot nama dia. I tak ingat. Besar dia lagi besar dari tali orang tarik tali tu.

Dulu i selalu nampak orang exercise guna ni dekat video i tak terfikir seberat ni. I rasa nak menangis hahaha. lepastu buat incline smith machine bench press. I tanya gemini sebab macam biasa coach ada cakap tapi i lupa HAHAHA. Lepastu i kena baring and buat sit up. Tapi bukan atas lantai atas bench . Susah for me sebab kita pulak macam teletubbies terlebih minum susu. =')

16 September 2026

i kena naik turun pegang kettlebell. Again i tak tahu nama exercise ni apa.

harini kena buat seated cable row jugak. And then i kena bent my knees sikit angkat berat sikit. Berdasarkan chat gpt  nama dia barbell bent over. Tapi takpe nanti i cross check balik.

Lepas tu coach asked me to lontar bola over macam main basketball .

mula mula i tak pandai

coach : una pernah main netball? ni macam main netball je

me : tak pernah.

coach : "sight*

me : what you expect i was a fat kid .

coach : ( gelak )okay okay 

tapi  jujurla memang i pernah je main cuma sekali dua itu pun i memang panik. kita introvert and tak suka rebut rebut. Kalaulah i masuk tournament dulu mungkin jadi macam ni

apa ni rebut rebut. nah ambik jela.*hulur bola* lepastu satu team dendam dengan aku HAHAHAHA

12 september 2026 

i tak ingat sangat kitorang buat apa. kalau tak silap ada tarik something and terbalikkan. and there are few others . Tapi lepas exercise biasanya akan buat cobra pose child pose for cooling down

13 September 2026 

kena naik turun atas this platform and bawak kettlebell . Naik turun je . Lepastu i kena  buat 

seated cable row . And ada satu lagi i kena sandar kat cermin turun macam nak rukuk tu pegang satu batang besi lepastu ada weight. Tak susah tapi tak senang. for some reason i tak tahu kenapa i suka tengok atas.

 =')

selalu kena tegur. He jokingly said nak pakaikan helmet kucing dekat kepala i sebab kepala i tu memang kerja nak pandang atas je. I guess refleks la sebab i swim memang kepala jarang masuk air. Dah macam turtle HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Lepastu lontar bola lagi macam main netball

17 September 

kena squat. i rasa harini ialah leg day . i guna leg extension machine. Dia tak susah

tapi tak senang jugak. Tapi lama lama okay. Lepastu kena buat farmers walk i kena bawak 2 kettlebell tak ingat berat dia berapa but i just have to walk. Lepastu kena tarik plate berat tu and terbalikkan. Lepastu i have to angkat bola ke atas and angkat kaki tinggi  paras perut  and jalan. Lepastu  russion twist  kot nama dia.  This one kan i pernah buat i though my technic was correct but i just learn the correct one here.

21 september 2026

Ada session petang dengan coach. kalau tak silap i dia ada ajar  exercise glutes.

Sebab i tak biasa so macam tak berapa pandai . Kesian coach muka dia macam nak marah tapi kena sabar.

but anyway he is a good coach only i still struggling because  i spend my whole life eating. Exercise ? what is that?

i rasa this one year je yang i betul betul exercise  and that was 2007. Itupun. sebab kita masuk silat

tournament .

24 September 2026 

i kena duduk atas box and tarik badan i naik .  lepastu i kena bend my knees and besi tu sampai paras pinggang. Again i tak tahu nama exercise ni apa. He told me i dont remember. I nak tanya balik tapi takut

HAHAHA.  Then ada this one exercise i kena tarik sampai ke muka. semua exercise i buat ni ada je the video coach i rakam. I tak rasa nak post sebab kita insecure. Kalau i dah kurus nanti i post la.

=') . Oh harini kena buat farmers walk jugak.  And then angkat besi  and bangun.

Lepastu ada this one machine dia ada kipas. I kena berlunjur lepastu kan tarik kedepan ke belakang. 

So dia suruh sampai 500 kalau tak silap. Dia tak susah tapi tak senang. 

25 September 2026 

i tak ingat but ada session jugak harini. I think almost the same with others .

29 september 2026 

harini ramai orang kat gym sebab ada class. 

i kena angkat berat jugak. Exercise dia tak susah sangat.

lepastu i kena baring and angkat kaki. Perut i memang rasala. 

kalau tak silap i ada buat literal raise jugak. 

and  end with cobra pose child pose. 

and lately ada tambah yang baru . this one i sampai tergolek weh

HAHAHAHA

sebab tu i tak pernah nak record malu . tapi teringin la jugak nak ada weigh loss journey tapi sebab insecurities kita lebih tebal dari kamus dewan . Nantilah eahhh dah fit sikit ke.

1st october 2026

minggu ni kitorang ada 2 session je. coach pun cuti. i pun cuti 9 days starting today.

today i buat inbody tau korang. I macam biasa takut. I know my body . I know how hard for me to lose weight with the environment yang ada sekarang. The only positive environment i ada ialah something i have to create myself or bila i pergi gym. Looking at strangers work out somehow made my day. some of them inspire me to be better too. My coach also tak jemu bagi nasihat kadang kadang even i tak cakap apa apa and i am thankful for that.Maybe muka i dah cukup melambangkan betapa burn outnya sis.Even he is young but i can tell he is way wiser than me. He told me something that happened to him in the past too but i am not intend to share here. Looks like everyone have their own struggles and fight their own demons. He fought his and i shall fought mine. I think overthinking ni steal joys from our life.Macam lari setempat penat tapi tak dapat apa apa. Selalunya i okay je. I truly enjoy my life .Cuma you know bila resuts tu stagnant kan i rasa macam ouch.. tapi gotta move on and try to be better la. Coach gave me new pdf harini. I also said something stupid  . I rasa i need to stop having this negative self talk. I can do this. It will get better , it always does.

Sebenarnya ada banyak lagi benda i nak tulis dekat sini. 

hopefully i can stay with this program sampai i betul betul dapat berat ideal i. 

And for that i need money.  Kadang kadang i rasa dia boleh baca apa i fikir

muka i nampak macam tak nak hidup dah ke?

he asked me to focus on my passion . i have  until end of this month to make my dream come true. btw kalau korang need personal trainer you can contact him dekat tiktok nama dia khairul adib @khrldb7.

i tak sure dia sekarang ada slot ke tak sebab client dia ramai but can dm him directly and ask. Tapi kalau dia busy korang cari jela personal trainer lain dekat peak fitness sogo tu ramai je korang. I think they are all friendly.

okaylah sampai sini dulu cerita i. 

nanti i akan tulis lagi post benda lain pulak sebab otak i dah penuh.

till then

ttyl

 Una Mn

 

A post to regulate my emotions

 

Hi,

dear diary,

lately princess penat. HAHAHA ala geli pulak.  princess princess. Lately i always running errands so i macam overwhelmed sikit. Syukur alhamdulillah for everything. i rasa i kena exercise good thought everyday. 

tapi ada juga beberapa perasaan negative i nak luahkan dekat sini supaya otak i lega.dah la i terlepas buat quiz for subject bulan ni. hilang 10 marks i. sedih tau.. tapi itu semua takdir Allah una. 

dear una,

please protect your peace, your energy and stop over analyzing. Dekat tempat kerja i banyak diam and focus jawab call sebab idk why every single time i get comfortable to talk to someone  people have a wrong idea

i'm just being friendly. How i know? on this days and age apparently gossip lagi laju dari covid.

= ')  . My past experience taught me a lot . I tak suka attachment i will avoid to get closer to anyone at all cost . I'm stuck with saturn phase  over few months now. I malas nak explain lebih. if you get it you get it

no saturn phase ni bukan astrology. Only specific person who smart enough will figure this out

What i do everyday is not to force this feelings to be gone but to let it flow and fade. Hence why i rasa i kena cari hobi yang boleh buat happy. Una suka hidup yang  ada purpose

more than anything i just want to be happy

i just hope that one day i tengok cermin tak ada rasa nak baling cermin tu dengan batu bata

i just want to be able to smile at the mirror and feeling i am good enough 

not to please others but me

i dont know why i am such a bully to myself. I kalau nampak je orang cantik orang glow up

i will feel very happy for them  but  when it comes to me why is it so hard for me to appreciate my own milestones specifically masa process lose weight ni?

if you feel drained jangan baca entry ni sampai habis. I have to channel this very negative energy yang terkumpul dalam otak i . i taknak cerita dekat sesiapa because i feel it is so unfair for others to listen to such a  heavy story. I faham semua orang ada their own struggle and banyak masalah hidup sendiri. Lagipun  apa i rasa ni semua adalah perasaan yang patutnya i boleh control. But punishing myself because of my own feelings wont do anything good either. Adakah una kena pergi pijak rumput ?

at this point i rasa bukan setakat kena pijak rumput. Mungkin i kena guling guling atas rumput tu sekali.

this bad thought need to go . I bukan nak cakap i islamic pun. I am far from perfect

i still tak menutup aurat sempurna. Masih lagi jahil orang kata cuma i nak hidup tenang dan bahagia. I pernah dengar ceramah orang yang dia dah tahu kan kerja dia ada interest ibadah dia tak diterima. Hati i jadi sedih. What options do i have now? 

secara jujur i dah terlalu burn out dengan kerja sekarang. I know staying here means i have to stay so i can pay my bills... tapi i taknak hidup bergelumang interest dah. If para strangers adalah terbaca blog i ni..

i humbly ask you to pray that "Nur Izzati Husna Binti Mohd Nasir " berjaya dapat kerja baru work from home, gaji banyak, bahagia, tenang, cantik, putih, kurus, sihat.

please? 

PLEASEEEEE... 

oh sejak i ambik personal trainer ni i banyak dapat random advise dari trainer i. Kadang kadang i tak cakap apa apa pun dia bagi. I tak tahulah muka i nampak macam tak bersemangat ke or nampak sangat muka orang tengah banyak fikir

one thing that stuck with me ialah he asked me to detached from things that i want . Okay this word mungkin tak 100 percent sama tapi lebih kurang la apa dia cakap

him : una .. you need to learn to detach from the things that you want. Macam you nak kejar rama rama. Kalau you kejar rama rama .. dia lari kan? instead of doing that you buat la taman cantik cantik bagi dia datang

me : okay *angguk angguk*

and then yesterday... i tak buat exercise betul. I kena tegur which is fine sebab memang tugas dia kena ajar sampai i pandai. tiba tiba dia bagi advise lagi

i tak tahu macam mana boleh sampai topic kerja. i told him tak suka kerja i sekarang i taknak kerja bank

i nak jadi penulis. so dia suruh i buat benda i suka. 

even before he said this.. this thing dah lama bugging me. I tak tahu apa yang membuatkan i tak berani sangat nak siapkan manuskrip and send my work to publisher. the worst thing that can happened kena reject je pun kan?

kan?

orang cakap jangan bagitahu plan kita nanti jinx. Knowing me that announce it or not when it comes to this i memang berat  sikit. So i nak challenge diri sendiri to send my manuscript to publisher before this end of october.

untuk itu sekali lagi stranger...  doakan yang terbaik untuk i. 

I dont mind being alone. All i want for now ialah  jadi secantik yang i boleh, sihat, kaya, hati tenang bahagia. freedom to choose the life that i want.  Tolong Ya Allah.. doaku yang paling serious

makbulkan ya.  Janji dah kurus nanti i tak backflip pakai bikini.

Kita cuma nak beli abaya cantik cantik lari kat taman kejar butterflies je HAHAHAHAHAHA

okaylah korang

i penat 

i kena tidur,

yang masih menunggu doa dimakbulkan tuhan

Una