Helpful Numbness

 

Hi

mungkin post ini akan lebih kerap di sini sebab risau kalau post apa apa dekat social media akan trigger. sesiapa walaupun kita tak ada niat. harini i think  my heart feel numb mungkin sebab dah terlalu banyak menangis jadi syukurlah .

susah nak explain rasa ni. Mungkin sebab  solat tahajud malam tadi. lepas everything settle i cant sleep . 

i dapat tidur kejap je. around 4 am i bangun i solat. sebab pada siapa lagi kita nak mengadu kalau bukan pada Allah? Mungkin ni cara Allah nak bagi i lebih dekat pada dia. 

lepas solat hati rasa tenang sangat. tenang setenang tenangnya. Tiba tiba muncul rasa numb. i rasa Allah bagi rasa ni sebagai hadiah untuk ubat luka i. Tipu la tak terkesan tapi i dah serahkan semua pada Allah

segala rasa sedih ni i anggap Allah bagi sebab Allah nak uji 

kuat tak iman i untuk lawan rasa ni. 

adakah i akan berdendam? jawapannya tidak.  sebab memang i sedar itu salah i . dah walaupun  mungkin ada rasa macam malu sikit sebab i rasa ramai dah tahu tapi tak apa sebab nama pun ujian kan?

Allah dah bagi banyak pada i. bagi banyak benda benda gembira sebelum ni. Baru 9  bulan lebih kena uji takkan i nak mengalah betul tak?

i nak bersangka baik pada dia. Mungkin ini yang terbaik . Mungkin rasa sakit ini yang i perlukan .to be better in life. To  reflect on myself. Oh silap aku dekat sini. nanti jangan buat lagi okay?

i think i need to stop overly attached to people. tak kisah la sesiapa pun. when you are being too available orang nampak you tak ada value. sama jugak kalau you terlalu mengalah. Kalau you salah dah minta maaf sekali cukup.  Jangan banyak kali nanti orang benci. Especially when  you are not physically attractive. Kita pulak gemuk kan  orang pun rimas.  anggap ini semua life lesson. suka tak suka rupa paras sangat penting .

doakan saya okay. Ada orang dekat thread cakap dulu dekat i. 

"cuba awak bayangkan kalau nanti awak selfie ribu ribu like , awak cantik so sila cut sugar" 

dia actually bukan perli i la dia bagi semangat.

actually all i want ialah bila i tengok cermin i suka itu je dah cukup. I tak tahulah cousin i yang dekat mekah tu kat she can sense i tengah sedih. Banyak betul reels dia bagi dekat i . I sayang you bella . I didnt tell her anything but she know even she didnt read my blog. she just finished her work. Maybe telepathy tu kuat kot. 

all i say to her i am sad but thats okay. Semoga cita cita kami nak main snow sama sama tercapai . walaupun macam dunia ni nak kiamat  kan tapi tetaplah kita berusaha untuk capai segala impian kita.  Walaupun i tak tahu berapa lama lagi Allah bagi i usia ni. tadi i bleeding balik kita fikir positive mungkin ni period tak habis. Mungkin hormon kot una dah jangan fikir bukan bukan.

Okaylah i nak jawab midterm

see youu when i see you

una mn

Breathe una, breathe

 

Hi 

I cant sleep. Maybe it is hard for me to process

Bismillah una bismillah. You can una. This is not the end of the world. Breathe una breathe.

It's okay there is so much to think about una

Your health maybe we start there first okay?

When people cut you off you dont need to beg.

You just being yourself

You might be too much for some people

But you never had ill intention

Knowing that is enough.

You are kind continue being kind tapi jangan lupa that not everybody will accept you.

Your energy might be too much. Your presence might suffocate people but you still have value una

Mungkin bukan sekarang you nampak una

Mungkin nanti.

Fix your insecurities issue dulu okay? Lose weight and get fit. InshaAllah not for validation tapi untuk hati you untuk kesihatan you.Untuk mental health you jugak.

Remember apa doctor cakap?

You tak boleh stress kan? Your health is alarming. This pre cancer stage is no joke una

Dah jangan stress . 

Stop find happiness in people but find joy within you. 

Memang betul, people will treat you differently if you look your best. Have self respect .

I promise myself i will never beg for love, attention, connection or friends

This will be the last time i will behave like this

Kesiankan diri you una.

Dah no more crying okay? 

Don't be a big baby dah.

From diri you kepada diri you jugak

In  a few months 

This wont hurt anymore

The pain will fade and inshaAllah if you stick to your routine you will look your best too.

Appreciate who appreciate you and of course fix your attitude and be the best version of yourself.

Harini mungkin susah una

Tapi hati you Allah pegang. Minta pada Allah

Semoga Allah bagi tenang

Semoga Allah bagi you lupa semua ni

The end

Hi,

Damage is done and i am not forgiven

I have done my part.

I understand why he did that and gotta move on with my life.

I will always pray for you inshaAllah. 

Tak apa una. Mungkin ini yang kau perlukan.

He is not wrong and you dah own up to your mistakes too.

Nothing can you do now. 

Sabar dan mungkin betul banyak benda you need to fix una. Focus on your life and fix

what you can .

Dunia ni dah tak lama , this is part of your ujian too.

Even this time this ujian yang initiate is you.

May Allah heal me inshaAllah

love

 una mn

I understand

 

Hi,

Idk la kalau he told his friend about what happened

I taknak  assume but i saw twice. I tak tahu about me  ke tak but i cant be mad pun. Sedih adalah sikit tapi i faham

Marah tak boleh sebab suka hati dia la nak share pada sesiapa.

Takpelah una

You already apologize twice. If benda ni boleh buat dia happy and tenang then let him be.

After all memang kau salah una . 

Terima  jela . I pun tak suka jadi orang sensitive. 

But just like i said before. I dont want any trophy.

Of course you ada hak nak maafkan ke tak

You ada hak nak buat apa apa pun .

So i take this as a hint la.

Macam i cakap i tak marah pun kalau you beritahu orang lain. As long you happy, you lega ,you tenang

I will be happy for you too.

InshaAllah i will try my best to not bother you again. 

I hope we can stay friend and i will still support you.

Hoping the best for you in dunia and akhirat.

Sincerely

Una mn

From a stranger to another stranger.

 

Hi

Nak luah susah tak luah nanti sedih. Okay una now you dah you everything you can. You 

Dah say sorry. Maybe kali ni susahlah kot nak dimaafkan. I dont think dia baca blog ni. 

Susah jadi makhluk cepat emosi. Maybe i am too quick to react. Maybe he's right.

Bukan maybe tapi betullah tu una

Boundaries sangat clear

Lebih clear dari masa depan kau una

I am sorry i shouldnt asked. Entahlah kali ke berapa juta . I think i already tell you my pov too. Why i think that way up to you nak accept or tak.

After our convo last night i can conclude one thing

I am just a stranger  and i will keep it that way.

So from another stranger to another stranger i wish you good luck.

This stranger just sad but not mad. I will still support you but i will keep my distance inshaAllah . 

No, i am not gaslighting.  As you already know . I always mean what i say.

No , i dont want any trophy even figuratively because my intention was just to be friend.

And as someone that already understood everything. No worries i am fine

I will be just fine

Good luck in everything

Una mn

Sophea : Player Two In Real Life and april "confession"

 

Hi

selamat hari khamis. after consideration i finally post the stories dekat pretty potato. i create a new story for my friend from singapore nama dia sorfee. This gonna be a very sweet short story. Sebab ni adalah life after montclair university. 

kalau suka baca cerita macam ni pergilah my tiktok okay. Nescaya korang delulu kali sejuta.  I post cerita ni dikala ramai orang perlukan hiburan. Yang light light not too dramatic and not too dull too.

I baru up sampai episode 4. Malam ni i maybe akan buat draft so esok i boleh post a few more part. Ni kira macam test water la dulu. Dekat part 3 ada a few yang excited nak tahu apa jadi. Part 4 belum ada lagi reaction besar besar because scene dia maybe predictable.

i think so. 

writing kinda heal me in a way.  character yang i guna memang i sample dari kawan kawan i. mereka semua wujud di dunia nyata HAHAHAHA

Cuma  watak mukhris tu nama ayah dia i tukar la. Dia memang category t20 cuma i tak tahulah pulak kalau parents dia sekaya mukhris dalam cerita i sebab tak perlu pun nak tanya hahaha. Mukhris yang i kenal humble even macam richie rich. 

i hope mukhris tak baca story tu sebab HAHAHA honestly i dont know how he will react on this. kalau ada dari our mutual baca.

no... i dont have any feelings for him. I just like his personality. Una memang macam ni. For me la.. for me... apa yang buat someone tu macam attractive is the way they carry themselves, how they live their life. Their manners . yes betul muka penting tapi berapa lama orang akan actually stay with looks kalau perangai you macam sampah?

begitulah dia conclusion saya.  I am a very direct , brutally honest person.  Oh btw sekarang i nak cuba refine balik my workout . sebab i rasa macam 1hour brisk walk tu tak cukup sebab tak ada weight training

semoga i jumpa workout routine yang sesuai dengan i . I ada follow. few others yang dalam this journey. Best pulak tengok diorang buat video. Saya malu... HAHAHA.  Korang doakan my journey di permudahkan tau

My april confession

i guess after raya i dah okay with everyone after i minta maaf personally with everyone. I boleh interact with some of the girls. Even some of them no longer in discord and i'm quite miss them actually tapi i think maybe masing masing just busy dengan life masing masing. As someone older than them i pray for your happiness okay? With the world news yang agak merisaukan  i cuma harap semuaaaa orang yang i sayang dilindungi tuhan, dimewahkan rezeki dan may you guys heal from whatever that broke you. 

 stay positive, stay humble .

akhir kata semoga Allah merahmati  kita semua

sekian

 yang tak sabar nak sihat semula

 una mn

April the sick month, ujian Allah dan stay in positive vibe?

 

Hi guys

harini i pergi office macam biasa .  i jawab call and i batuk tak berhenti. My colleague concern gila and ask me to jumpa doctor.

chinese girl name x : babe.. why are you coming to work ? you tak sihat kan?

me : (almost crying ) i takut bulan ni dah banyak mc

chinese girl name x : ya kalau you mati tak sampai 10 minit diorang akan cari pengganti you. go home now

 

me: *terdiam*  okay. okay..   ( i go to my manager L ) L can i go time slip?

L : time slips only 2 hours babe. u tak larat kan? go mc boleh?

me : okay...  ( settle my job and go clinic in the same building)

Sampai situ i duduk jap . Masuk dalam dr tanya.

dr : you berapa lama dah sakit 

me : a week ++ 

dr : lamanya! jap babe. i think we need to do blood test

me : ha? i takut you tak juma vein i. i gemuk

dr : chill i nampak dah vein u * continue ambik darah kejap je dah settle *

me : *amazed* waaa kejap jumpa dah . (terus terflashback kejadian last august sampai biru biru ambik darah *

dr : kenapa sebelum ni tak jumpa ke?

 

me: aah maybe before this i besar dari sekarang. sekarang i besar kan dulu lagi besar. i tengah cuba lose weigh doctor

dr: i seee  okay good luck on your diet okay but after this kena xtray tau. 

me : (angguk angguk ) 

after blood test, xtray kena ambik nebulizer pulak. at this point with my running nose i just accept whatever treatment needed sebab i nak sembuh cepat. lepas nebulizer dr beritahu my result

dr : awak ada bronchitis

me: whattttttttttt

dr : ya.. hmm so later  awak dah start kena ambik inhaler everyday 

me: NOOOOOOOO

dr : YESSSSSSS

i tak suka bergantung ubat. I lagi overthinking sebab based on experience nothing ends well relying on medicine. Yihhhh tak suka . Can i justtttt not take it? hmmm entahlah. i would rather lose weight cepat cepat than relying on this. tapi itulah dia doctor you pulak cuma una. 

stay positive una stay positive.  korang doakan i cepat sembuh. cepat kurus. I terdesak nak kurus cepat. 

tapi this time no more reta, no more supplements kita natural all the way. saya janji saya sabar and trust the process. 5km everyday una 5km everyday and you are good to go. Btw tadi i happy i masuk live evertts kejap.dia dekat london tengah shooting. 

me: everttss!! una dapat 4 flat semester 1 . you wish me good luck kan. i dapat that good luck!! 

evertts : yo unaaa congrats!!!

he then said he is busy even keaamatan pun tak dapat balik sabah. he is booked and busy. But so proud of him.  esok cerita dia keluar. so silent readers ku jangan lupa esok okay. Esok dorm 403 keluar dekat tv3 

isnin-khamis 10 malam . 

k lah i penat 

i nak sambung menulis

till then

ttyl 

una mn

My unpaid therapist

Hi guys

harini i mc lagi . sebenarnya i almost fainted while driving yesterday .Kebetulan. pagi semalam ada orang 

double park my car and tak angkat call which mebuatkan i lambat . So alang alang tak sihat i pergi la ambik mc. Sampai clinic doctor bebel dekat i 20 min. Dia bagi nasihat la. sebab dia dah cakap dah before this kalau lebih 3 hari demam datang balik. Kita pulak degil macam mana kan. 

I redha jela kena bebel tu sebab dah salah sendiri . I balik ingatkan nak rest tapi i teringat assignment tak siap lagi. Then yesterday i buat my assignment. So alhamdulillah my individual and group assignment dah siap dah semua. I am so happy and i hope my team boleh siapkan their part cepat cepat. Now my focus is  on my midterm and. final exam. Individual assignments tu 14 chapter each subject tau .  

i cuba  preserve the flowers tapi end up jadi kerabu . i post on discord dae nampak and dia bagi i video kena celup dalam wax la flowers tu. But this dumb dumb dah potong the flowers from tangkai . HAHAHHAA  Sorrylah dae. penat penat la dia buat. Tapi i dont think he kesah. Tapi kalau u kisah i minta maaf. I memang tak pandai seni.Art is not my thing . but i snap the picture already. I dah order polaroid picture.cant wait to get the polaroid . 

I kan dah masuk discord balik. I sense the vibe is not the same maybe because the absence of a few people yang dulu active. Tu i taknak kupas la. Tbh i takut my presence macam menganggu the peace of that place. Lagi lagi to the host.why? i taknak cerita lebih. biar dengan i je tahu. Sebab takut i give wrong impression. I honestly love that space so much. I am not intend to force connection, chasing or apa apa jela. I genuinely love my friends.Honestly he is very welcoming cuma  i je overthinking lepas apa i cakap dekat dia. last thing i want ialah interrupting his safe space . semalam dae masuk live i . he said he on mc jugak sebab beraya sampai 4 pagi. dia suggest me to play iflip7. I cari dekat youtube. macam susah je game tu. HAHAHA. we talk about uno and then dia dah nak keluar beli bunga. i asked him to buat video. honestly i enjoy his content sebab it remind me of my arwah opah. she love flowers. i remember how i betul betul stress kena paksa gubah bunga sebab i used to play like a boy. Dengan my short pants berlari , panjat pokok. arwah opah risau i tak nak jadi perempuan. but look at me now crying over little thing HAHAHA. 

i sekarang selalu buat live . and cara i buat live macam a bit odd to some. I sometimes nak live tak nak orang masuk unless its my friends or cousin. Sounds picky tapi itulah live tiktok macam unpaid therapist.

Sebab ada benda i luah kat situ i berani sebab tak ada orang masuk dan dengar. benda yang i takkan cerita dekat blog ni. Thats how i manage my stress now. talking without audience but feel like i ada audience faham tak?

i tak ada mental capacity nak berbual banyak orang. i suka berbual dengan orang i selesa je. bukan sombong tapi selectively social.  semalam i dm sorfee i show her my hair. i genuinely like sorfee punya rambut.  mine long tapi since i dah pakai tudung and masih gemuk i  tak  buat rambut lagi for now. Tunggu dah kurus baru i will do whatever i want. bukan untuk post but just to take picture and keep my photo masa muda. mana tahu dah tua nanti adalah gambar i boleh tengok. Battling with insecurity is no joke guys. rasa malu nak ambik gambar. tak nak being included in any group photo. Malu nak jumpa orang. doakan perjalanan i di permudahkan semoga yang baik baik berbalik pada korang

okay lah 

i need to do my cardio , 

see you in my next post

love

 una mn

First Fresh Flower Bouquet & Flower Vase For Mama From Arti.karya X Flowernap

 

Hi guys..

harini i ada urusan ambik kunci rumah pertama i . After 5 years menunggu finally sampai masa untuk i get the key. Jujurnya i lebih kepada takut dari excited. Oleh sebab itu, awal awal lagi i dah order bunga from arti.karya . I mula mula order bunga for my mom. Birthday dia 10 april ni. Tapi lepastu i rasa macam nak tambah flower bouquet.  Pasal hal rumah tu i akan buat one special entry nanti ya. 

this is appreciation post for my flowers. I jujur memang tak kenal bunga sangat tapi i suka je bunga. especially tulips, white roses, soft pink roses. Masa i order dekat arti.karya i memang bagi kebebasan untuk dia surprise me la. i just bagitahu i suka pastel. 

so lepas balik dari ambik kunci. I pergi la ambik my flowers. Okay mind you i tak sangka yang my friend dae akan turun KL. i rasa kebetulan kot dia datang sini jalan jalan kan tiba tiba ada order bunga i.  Guess what? my flower bouquet dia yang buat. awww sis terharu . Thank you dae.

tapi kan kitorang dua dua introvert in real life. Masa diorang jalan ke kereta i . I tak perasan dae tau. I nampak muka aliff tu senyum meleret. Then masa nak buka pintu kereta tu i perasan . Eh ada dae.  

I cam terkejut jap. Pertama i terkejut nampak dia.  Lepastu i nampak bunga my mom. sumpah cantik gilaa. So i macam busy admiring the flowers . I malu i tunduk je. 

Aliff : Bunga ni dae yang buat tau.

Me : oh yeke... thank you so much.

tu je reaction yang i bagi. tapi sumpah i excited. I peluk bunga tu sebab tu adalah first fresh bouquet i beli untuk diri sendiri. Tak sangka pulak fav gamer kita yang buatkan. I dah thank him dekat discord tadi. So as token of appreciation i buat la post ni.  Blog i yang sendu ni kan sebenarnya ada je silent readers hari hari sampai risau kadang kadang tengok unique visitor ramai ramai tak tahu diorang baca apa.

cantikkan?

this is flower vase for my mom. hope she like it

i can sense she will love this ! 

sebab masa i tunjuk dia my flower vase dia suka that's why i belikan for her

So alang alang tengah ramai ni . support la my friends punya business okay? arti.karya untuk malaysian.

flowernap untuk singapore. Btw tak kisah nak order dari mana pun diorang business partner i rasa.

i tak sabar nak bagi my mom this flower. This bouquet i nak preserve the petal. Tahu tak i nak buat apa? since i guna this flower untuk mengurangkan anxiety i dan buang rasa risau tentang this new commitment 

so esok i nak pergi cari tempat print polaroid picture . I nak print gambar bunga ni, gambar rumah , gambar flower vase birthday i, gambar flower vase for my mom.  i nak letak dalam my bucket list.

I memang jenis old fashioned. Old fashioned is good. I value memories in all form. 

Okay la i nak kena tidur. I dah janji dengan cousin i fadhilah nak bawak dia pergi massage. I nak belanja dia pergi spa sebab sejak dia bersalin dia cakap tak ada masa. I got you sis. I will pamper you.

nanti i dah buat the bucket list tu semua i will share here. Kalau boleh i nak frozekan the petal or kita pakai resin? boleh kan? hmmmm niceee. Kita pakai resin  boleh buat handphone case . eish banyak benda boleh buat kan? Nanti kita cari idea okay una?

okay tu je for now

ttyl

 una mn

The Urge, Respect and Wellbeing

 

Hi,

harini the urge nak follow account instagram dia tu tinggi. Tapi mengingatkan apa dia cakap terus tak jadi. Respect una respect. Boleh kan? Dia kata dia set boundaries dari orang yang dia tak rasa safe or strangers. So secara tak langsung kau strangers only not considered as friend. 

Please una jangan cari pasal. Kena  sedar diri. Know your place. Dont  do anything that can hurt yourself. You see it by yourself. How he reply to you vs others . Tak ada emoji tak ada lebih. That is called boundaries. Learn to respect the boundaries please. 

Lagipun unaaaa this is the price you need to pay  sebab you initiate  this. Takpe just give support dari jauh. 

Anggaplah as fan . We cant force connection kan?

dia dah reply nicely dekat discord tu kira okay. Cuma memang we can sense the difference la. The vibe is not the same. Maybe he is being careful. I cant even blame him for doinng that. I totally understand. 

Mesti rasa awkward or terpaksa.  I guess i taknak la lepak lama lama discord tu. Dulu i rajin tau macam active gila now and macam tetamu tak diundang. datang duduk react dan blah. 

I wonder if i tak cakap apa apa things would be different now.  I boleh sense orang awkward and berhati hati. So maybe i need to keep my distance a bit i guess supaya dia selesa. If anything i taknaklah dia tak selesa pulak.

btw doakan i cepat kurus tau. sekarang benda benda perasaan ni i malas nak fikir dah.

I nak focus on my wellbeing , build my confidence and nak kurangkan insecurities. 

Okaylah

till then 

ttyl

 una mn

Negativity Repellant

 

Hi

harini  i mc lagi . semalam i demam  harini i demam jugak and my voice still tak ada. i rasa bersalah sebab mc . i tak suka ada bad record macam ni. Tapi ever since i masuk this company i senang sakit. Mungkin i absorb banyak negative energy? Idk . Sebab i takut my team head tak percaya i sakit so i datang dulu kerja. i jawab 3 calls.  All customer macam

what? can u speak louder? 

haaa? say it again?

suara i dah macam chipmunk. i can tell  they fighting for their life to laugh. Me pulak pressured. sebab semalam kan i kena kacau dengan orang so moody i tu terbawak ke office. So i diam jap kena gelak. 

lepastu i pergi dekat one of the manager . I call her kim . 

kim: yes iris ?

me: i think  i need to go mc

kim : (muka tahan gelak) yes you should. i will email wfm now

i ni mixed feelings tau. Tengah sedih ni tapi dengar suara sendiri pun rasa nak gelak. 

then i go ambik mc doctor pun concern sebab dr kata tonsil i bengkak. I sebenarnya sedih korang. sebab i rasa i enjoy doing live on tiktok tapi sebab ada orang ganggu ketenteraman mindaku terpaksa la private jap. Adakah i patut buat bodoh je and go je live?  semalam i rasa 4 ke 5 account yang harass tu i block 

tapi i seriously rasa it is the same guy yang rasa ego dia tercabar bila i tegur. Sebab pagi semalam i dah la tak sihat, sakit tekak  tiba tiba kena macam tu memang i tak boleh control marah i.

tbh i  tak tahulah i salah sangka ke dekat E tu. macam kesian pun ada dia kena block. Tapi itulah sebab instinct i rasa i might know this person in real life. And he wants to know about me banyak tapi reluctant to share even his age . Dia cakap dia 26 . lepastu berani berani ajak i keluar. i saja act dumb when he try  to initiate something i rasa macam wow bro boleh bertenang kot. My intention go live tiktok bukan  nak cari partner ke memang tak.

we know each other less than a month. I dont even know your face. Entah entah kau scammer. HAHAHA

lepastu  jujur je cakap dekat dia i  tak available. After all i bukan perempuan miang. I anggap social media macam a fun place to me. 

i tak boleh disclose banyak sebab i think iykyk la ye. The person yang i cakap tu tahulah. tapi i tak harap apa apa  dan i dah terima dah pun . and now my focus ialah nak habiskan degree and i nak sangat bukak business dekat madinah.

i rasa i nak tenang. Madinah tempat tenang i.  tapi i tak nak duduk situ. i macam nak sesekali ke sana faham tak? cita citaku setinggi langit sebab apa?

sebab saya hamba yang MAHA KAYA. so biarlah kan?  haritu E cakap i nak buat madinah macam cheras sebab i nak lari pergi sana. I tak faham la dia ni. suka hati i lah . He is a stranger online yang posessive itu yang buat sis takut. I kan live i tak expect orang masuk. I memang literally buat live tiktok tu macam place untuk practice bercakap je. 

He is  not even my friend. tapi he belittle my dream. i tak suka orang belittle my dream. he keep saying that impian tak logik.Macam nak crush my hopes and dreams. I find people like this so shallow.

i mean kalau i kan. i suka hype my friend. When i see my friend doing business i akan immediately bagi words of affirmation to them . Tak kisah la diorang fikir i just mulut manis ke fake ke. I genuinely nak tengok kawan kawan i berjaya dalam apa je yang diorang nak capai.

Idk if E baca ni dia terasa ke. Sebab paling i tak suka dia cakap macam ni. Kat malaysia ada banyak bunga kenapa beli dekat singapore.i'm just being a supportive friend. Who are you to judge me?  Okay i rasa quarter 1 2026 ni macam i banyak menangis dah. I dah rasa muak penat dealing dengan manusia negative sampai i jadi negative juga.

Untuk mengelakkan saya jadi manusia negative lagi.  I think i just take my friends's advise about setting boundaries. I guess apa dae cakap betul.  2 days ago masa dia live i finally masuk la balik live dia becausei miss everyone. so ada orang cakap pasal mbti. So i cakap mbti i  infj-t 

ada satu girl ni tak silap i dia bagi words of affirmation i terharu gila. i tak ingat nama dia siapa sebab dia macam new jugak. She said i am sensible. I rasa happy dengar sebab not everybody get me that way. whoever you are if i jumpa you dalam live dae again i nak follow u la. i terlupa nak tekan your name and follow. I nak keep positive people je  hehe.

i rasa i nak ruqyah mandi bunga mandi garam. whatever yang boleh buang this negative energy. Kita kena kuat una. I miss bubbly and cheeky una

so biarlah entry depressing sedih tu dekat sini je. Hopefully next entry i . i happy. 

i boleh tulis sambil gelak gelak

yang ingin menamatkan era negativity

ttyl

una mn

Sexual Harrasment .

 

Hi 

harini something happened masa i buat live. i kena sexual harassment  First i ignore tapi this person push me to the limit . So i tengah sakit and on mc . Suara i tak okay. initially dia just cakap suara i seram okaylah i let it slide. I fikir macam oh dia nak perli my voice seram.

tapi makin lama dia keluar perangai pervert dia. I cant take it anymore. My topic cuma pasal happy chemicals, pasal goals and wishlist. Selalunya i buat live tak ramai masuk dalam 2,3 orang je paling ramai. Sebab i memang suka cakap sorang sorang. Sebab bila kita terlalu emosi or banyak berfikir i malas menulis dekat blog ni kadang kadang. So i choose to live for me to regulates my moods la. 

so sebab dia dah tunjuk pervert dia terang terangan u guys rasa i buat apa? One thing about me i memang tak kan bagi muka untuk orang orang pervert. so I marah la orang tu. Sebab entahlah sepatutnya lepas lepas puasa masih mood raya ni  takkan terus nak jadi setan balik kan?

Kalau i live memang sengaja buat topik menggoda ke i boleh la macam okay ni salah aku. Tapiii ni live muka pun tak nampak .  Nampak wallpaper dinding aku je. I memang tak buka lampu sebab tengah krisis tenaga dekat dunia kan. Semua benda mahal. Tapi tak tahulah some lelaki (not all)  i tak tahu cara otak dia berfikir. Okay i dah block . So i though settle la sampai situ...

    

TAKKKK YEE.. SALAH!!!     DIA BUAT MULTIPLE FAKE ACCOUNT TO HARASS ME DALAM LIVE

ya Allah tolonglah... get a life . I block every single account. I Anggap social media is my playground. Tiktok i tak pernah private. Tapi sebab i'm scared so i terpaksalah tapis my followers,

I tak suka keadaan macam ni sumpah tak suka. I tak tahu apa yang seksinya suara orang batuk. Tapi this is sooooooo frustating to me. Lepastu another reason ialah i rasa kena attack. someone know too much about me. Something i think i never i mentioned on live . This person  name "E" macam a bit scary to me. At first i fikir okaylah dia being friendly je. sebab dia hari hari cari gaduh. I okay je tapi ada something fishy and unsettling yang dia buat  sampai i takut.

I think i might know this person in real life. I banyak kali cakap .do i know you? can you use your real account? tapi he keep saying this is my real account.

tbh i tak suka nak private my tiktok, tapi gangguan i terima ni melampau sangat.  demi kesejahteraaan fikiran saya.....

i think for now i kena private kan dulu until i okay balik.  I geramlah sebab i enjoy ada deep conversation , sharing goals and life vision and mission sebab benda macam bagi i mental clarity so i can focus on my goals tapi i have stop to protect my peace.

Dia kalau i block dia tak datang lagi kacau okay. Dia keep kacau me. create account baru . I rasa macam sangat sangat terganggu.

i just want to be happy .  Tak tahulah kalau my happiness bother you so much. For all i know ...

i just wanted peaceeee. some peace and quite .......

please whoever behind this fake account i honestly i nak hidup tenang tanpa kacau orang. YOU DONT WANT ME TO FIND YOU.

sekali lagi i cakap... JANGAN BUAT SAYA CARI AWAKKKKKK

i tak suka nak dendam dengan orang tapi benda ni melampau sangat pun.CUKUP .

so kalau lepas dari entry ni i still dapat lagi gangguan dari you. you leave me with no choice. 

okay 

sekian terima kasih

Indirect Message To My Friend; D

 

Hi guys

Lately i rajin buat live because i nak practice cakap belakang camera before i ada keberanian nak cakap depan camera. So tadi someone yang dah lama jugak tak in contact dengan i masuk live i.  So actually we kawan dekat discord. So today i macam dapat the whole picture of the situation. I rasa bersalah gila pergi marah dekat d haritu . 🥹🥹  i understand you now. At first i macam confused eh why you did this? Tapi today i dapat the answer. Ya Allah kesiannya you d. Now i faham kenapa you cakap macam tu dekat i. Haih  dah la ada masalah peribadi kena handle benda macam ni pulak.

I rasa you tak baca tapi sebab i taknak kacau you i luah kat sini jela rasa menyesal tu .

Your choice is acceptable to me. Betul apa you buat. You just protecting your peace. Someone with ill intention trying to stalk you. If i were you i will do the same thing. 

So hopefully la hati you tenang lebih tenang tanpa masalah. I am keeping my distance for a while sebab i know that after whatever i said to you mesti you deep down rasa eish dia ni la semak betul.

So no worries i pun kadang kadang semak dengan diri sendiri jugak.  As a friend i just want to say i will support you always.Oh the arrangement from artikarya memang cantik . So if you are not the one doing the flower pun okay. After all i faham sangat singapore and malaysia bukan dekat nak post mesti mahal gila. I saw the post already. Infact i lega sebab i takut you need to bear shipping cost yang mahal gila.

Okaylah

To many more success for flowernap & artikarya

Ttyl

Una mn

Birthday Blooming From Flowernap , Final Exam and Hadiah Perfume ?

 

Hi guys,

harini  merupakan my birthday yang ke...? HAHAHAHA it is for me to know for you to find out.

siapa teka betul i bagi choki choki. Btw harini i spend my days jawab final exam. I kan perasan lately i addicted live even tak nampak muka. Saja nak practice bercakap. Lepastu  habis jawab exam i was thinking  about my flowers. I nak dm dae malas  sebab i trust he will arrange la or kawan dia arrange by lalamove. Rupanya tak ada orang ambik so i fetch the flower by myself. I dont mind sebab i memang nak keluar. So i pergi ambik bunga tu . Rupanya tak  jauh rumah dia tu dari my office . Masa kawan dia datang tu i terkejut i tak sangka besar. The flowers tu huge and ada vase clay. I cam wehhhh cane dia post eah dari singapore? ada untung ke tak dia? risau dia tak untung pun.Hmm serba salah. Btw ni la bunganya guys. i akan show multiple angle.

ni i ambik close up dalam kereta.

ni keadaan bunga ni dekat meja kerja i. abaikan sepah sepah kat belakang tu

i baru habis jawab exam kan.

i dah plan maybe bunga ni nanti i letak dekat my dining table sebab dia besar.

korang nak order bunga macam ni kan boleh contact dekat tiktok flowernap . 

I suka his arrangement sebab unik. Kalau korang my silent readers ni

nak fresh flowers takkan nak order dari singapore kan?

boleh jugak order arti.karya dekat instagram. diorang kawan btw.

selain dari this flower yang kira macam hadiah dari i kepada diri i sendiri . 

Ada orang bagi i perfume. So thank you sebab ingat. This is my fav perfume btw

i ada mentioned haritu masa live yang i nak beli perfume ni yang 75 ml tapi

tak jadi beli sebab rm600 . Harini ada orang bagi. I balik tadi mandi terus pakai.

If korang tak tahu ya i ada habit pakai perfume before tidur. 

Ya... i suka wangi wangi before tidur.

Tadi my cousin call ajak pergi port dickson. Terpaksa tolak.

maaflah bukan sombong. Sis nak dating dengan diri sendiri pun kadang kadang tak ada masa

harap memahami diriku ini.

Btw korang doakan urusan i dipermudahkan tau.  Semoga mudah i nak ambik kunci, nak check defect.

Semoga i tak kena writers block. Semoga ilham datang mencurah curah macam air  hujan. Di usia yang medium well ni kan i cuma harap i makin tenang. Dan segala i nak dan usahakan tercapai.

Okay lah saya penat.

till then

ttyl

 Una Mn

Closure

 

Thank you for the closure. It means so much to me . I get the closure that i need. I am sorry i dont know that you're struggling.  Just know that i will always pray for your success and happiness. I respect your decision and i'm truly sorry for the chaos . I mean no harm. InshaAllah i follow your advise. Hopefully apa pun problems yang you ada Allah mudahkan dan selesaikan for you. I cant dm you anymore . I am keeping my promise. I tahu maybe you tak baca pun. Just know that in this short while i happy. I happy to get to know you. Maybe for you it is a mistake for me it is not. Just know that your presence made me feel better. I always  struggles with my insecurities. When i see your post it just boost my spirit untuk be better in life . Untuk overcome my insecurities. I tak pernah harap  anything from you. Sikit pun tak pernah because i know my place . It just i look up to you. I takkan invade your personal space . I respect your decision. I hope you tak marah kalau you baca . This is me trying to regulate my emotions.

Hilang 1 beban fikiran

 

Hi all

So i finally did benda paling susah i nak buat.

Syukurnya i rasa hilang satu beban fikiran. Sebab i banyak open tab dekat kepala. So hilang 1 i lega. Call me stupid i dont mind  I know i have to bear the consequences every action i buat. So let's be it. Jujurnya sedih bukan sebab the answer . Sedih sebab i hilang kawan. 

 Faham tak?  Tapi takpelah apa yang dah jadi dah pun jadi. Korang doakan i sihat i happy and dapat capai target i . Amin. This year macam tak ada apa sangat. Most likely untuk rumah i la. 

Semoga urusan kita semua dipermudahkan.

Amin!!!

Diary 2026, una love language and fav online motivator?

 

hello everyone

selamat hari raya maaf zahir batin. first of all i nak ucapkan sorry pada semua yang i pernah sakiti secara sengaja atau tidak. Semalam i dah personally minta maaf  to my friend sorang sorang i dm. Ya sorang sorang i dm.  I happy sebab  i tak suka ada bottle up feelings. Biarlah kita hidup ni hati kita tenang. Jangan cari musuh . Orang  benci kat belakang tu bukan urusan kita dah kan? Yang penting you buat salah u kena minta maaf. 

Oh fyi...  raya tahun ni  i tak dapat cuti. memandangkan i punya batch pun tak cuti juga and dia duduk bilik sewa tak boleh masak i jadi kesian. I mean mesti dia rindu nak makan rendang. my love language towards people i care about kan i rasa semua.(words of affirmation + action + physical touch ) Sebab saya memang tamak. If i care for you . you will know. one of it i akan masaklah kalau kita duduk dekat. Love ni tak semestinya partner tau. Love can be for friends too kan? I tak ramai kawan . i ramai kenalan. Very few yang rapat. Yang kat tempat kerja ni i taklah rapat jugak tapi i selesa jadi diri sendiri dengan diorang. So sehari before raya habis je kerja i pergi beli barang nak buat rendang and kuah kacang.

21/3/2026

Pagi pagi sampai je office i dah suruh Ash try my food. She love it and tambah banyak kali . lepastu i sambil sambil tunggu call i letak dalam mangkuk plastic bagi manager yang ada dekat floor . i bagi isaac, brian and then ada one of the oic i tak kenal tapi dia melayu kesian dia tak raya so kita bagi dia jugak.  I  cakap jujur i tak suka sangat rendang ayam . tak ada rendang ayam pun okay sebab i pagi raya suka nasi impit and kuah kacang je. Tapi sebab i nak raya tahun ni tak suram i buat jugak for my friends. I am so happy everyone love it. Especially my indian friend ; S 

S: irisssss you should leave this office now and buka kedai makan

me: you puji i betul betul ke ni?

S: i undertand kalau u fikir i sengaja puji tapi u tengok berapa kali i dah tambah . 

me : aww thank you

benda macam ni pun dah made my day dah! HAHAHA. even tahun ni i tak dapat balik ziarah kubur arwah abah, opah atuk, pakngah dan makngah tapi doa i inshaAllah sampai kan?

lately kan i macam tak cukup rest sebab i overthinking about my future. if korang nampak i sedih sedih tu that might be the reason. if personal life tu iykyk i dah totally over it. Otak i ni sentiasa fikir how to make money? how can i be a best version of myself? physically mentally especially career la. so untuk counter that feelings i banyak la tengok video video motivate i . I divert my mind macam tu la. 

so i suka tengok video from hadi luqman.  video dia best and dia punya tagline 

" Never  waste your potential , go be great!" Ahhh i sukaa. i mean dia macam boost my spirit . I rasa betullah orang cakap  kita kena protect our energy and choose your circle wisely. Kalau kita kawan dengan orang yang jual minyak wangi inshaAllah kita akan wangi sekali.

selain hadi luqman  i suka tengok video ustazah ni dari singapore. nama dia hidayah and she is actually dae's sister. One thing i suka about her video ialah her soothing voice and sangat soft to me. i kan tak suka my current workplace so i selalu down because of that tapi tu la life gonna be so hard kalau you asyik asyik ulang ulang benda negative dalam kepala you. You suka ke you tak suka ke this is your life. Make most of it kan? Mana ada orang hidup tak ada masalah .  

Oh btw haritu masa dae's live dia ada promote ada event tak silap i next month . Ada launching buku. kalau korang free nak pergi singapore boleh la join event tu nanti ada bunga juga from flowernap. I pun nak buku tu cuma i suruh dae post jela. korang nak tahu more pergi la page hidayah ni tau. 

so these two i selalu tengok. Ada jugak yang lain. Hadi impactful dari segi motivation dia bagi untuk kejar impian i . Hidayah dari segi spiritual. And my friend dae i think dia secara tak langsung motivate i nak lose weight sebab dia selalu share video dia pergi gym. Being consistent is hard especially foodie like me. Ni pun raya i dah risau dah . Mujur i tak balik rumah mama lagi. Setakat ni i cuba kalau tak boleh everyday 3 times a week. Tapi saya nak cuba everyday and see how. 

btw korang tadi i cuba live and sorfee masuk live i . I tanya dia 

me : sorfee ... you nak tak jadi my sample? 

sorfee : nakkkkk

i happy betul. btw sorfee ni budak sg jugak i rasa dia early 20's i pun lupa umur dia berapa tapi 20's . so i akan buat one tiktok account post about that story. i dah ada idea dah pun sebab sorfee remind me masa i 20's .  muka i tak samalah macam dia. obviously she's prettier i ni kentang je. Tapi rambut i  panjang soooo i guess kita akan cuba kejap lagi. 

korang nak tahu tak i ni nak final exam tau tapi otak i ni memerlukan ketenangan . masa i menaip blog ni i dekat one utama. i beli bunga tadi. nak tengok?

i beli 2 sebab i saja nak support small business.

this remind me of my arwah opah. Kalau dia nampak ni mesti dia suka

kalau i boleh jujur i tak kenal bunga sangat

i maybe cam a few la yang common. 

Macam sunflower, rose, daisy.

i even pernah confuse bunga tulip dengan rose.

Satu lagi sebab kenapa i beli sebab seller ni cakap bunga ni senang jaga. 

seminggu sekali je siram.  

oh pasal cerita i nak tulis tu i belum ada title dia apa tapi i dah ada jalan cerita i nak buat. sorfee will be sophia. Lead dia siapa?

hmmm i tengah cari nama . Sample main lead dia ambik dekat pinterest je .

jangan risau cerita i slowburn. i tak suka cerita yang tiba tiba terus khawin.

uh uh no.

muka dia hmm i tak tahu. HAHAHA 

i tulis suka suka je. kalau ada orang baca i publish .

tak baca pun takpe . 

okay tu je la korang

till then

ttyl 

 una mn